Been thinking of ending it

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Recently it seems like more of an addiction than anything else. I really want to just pick up a blade and let it all go again. I want to kill myself, but I can't bring myself to do it. Not because I'm scared of death, I'm scared of the end. I'm scared to leave my friends and loved ones behind. I never really liked seeing the endings of anything and I don't want to see the end of me, I don't want my friends to watch it either. I just want it all to go away and life to just be semi good again. I just need a break, a moment to stop breathing and sleep for days straight, just a small break.

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