I have my worst patch of scars covered with with a tattoo and I was just looking at them and realized I have TRASH carved into myself. I had forgotten. Almost a year into being free of harming myself and I can still fell the scar tissue under the ink. I feel like a drug addict about to fuck up and relapse after being sober. I just want this feeling to go away. Nothing helps. Therapy since 2013, good partner, family became more supportive, haven’t been assaulted since 2018. Made a whole year without a mental health hospitalization in 2020. First time in five or six years I haven’t been hospitalized. I feel no different. It’s more for the people around me but nothings really changed. Haven’t done hard drugs in almost two years either...doing the right thing and being healthy changed nothing. I’m in severe pain.