Birthday blues

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It’s my birthday today and I feel really sad. I’ve been crying all day because I always feel so lonely on my birthdays. I only have two friends that are my best friends. My one friend I’ve known since I was 12 texted me happy birthday and told me she would call later. She called, I missed it and called her back but she didn’t answer. The more I think about it she’s been a really shitty friend to me and she’s never there for me when it counts or when I’m at my lowest. For my other friend, I went above and beyond for her birthday. I got her a nice expensive cake, an expensive designer purse and birthday balloons just to show her how much I appreciate her. For my birthday she took me out to eat and not to sound ungrateful but I go out to eat often so it didn’t really feel special. She got me a cheap cake and gifted me some hair bands and Pajamas. I feel really bad saying this and reading it over I may sound ungrateful but her and I are strippers. So we make good money. I just don’t know how I feel about it. On the one hand I’m grateful because she did way more than my other friend but on the other hand it just didn’t live up to my expectations especially because I went above and beyond for her birthday. I always get the birthday blues and I hate it this time of year because I always feel so lonely. I have a family that loves me very much but I often feel misunderstood by them and I’m not able to talk to them about my life. That’s why I value my friendships so much because I’m able to connect with them. It feels like I don’t have a lot of people in my corner especially because I have a lot of acquaintances who are in my field and I always see them having extravagant birthdays and it makes me feel like, why not me? This has been a pattern for almost all my life however even before I started dancing. My birthdays have always been a sad time of year for me because I never get the birthday I hope for. I think it goes without saying that I’m single so it’s especially lonely for me. I’ve been single for 4 years now and it’s getting pretty bad. To some, I may look like the popular pretty girl but in reality I’m very lonely. I just don’t know what to do I feel so depressed and my birthdays are always bad

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