BONDING AND FRACTURING enable you to exploit the two big needs of belonging and differentiating.In terms of the hierarchy, the need to belong falls just under the need to achieve status or reputation; that is, the need to differentiate. Maslow called these esteem needs. Much of what you will do when you exercise influence, therefore, will be to move people up and down the tiers.You will find most people stuck between floors on Maslow's hierarchy. They ascend a few stairs and then self-sabotage, which takes them back down. Sometimes another person or even a whole group sends them back down by locking the door to the next level. This is how interrogators work: they establish control over the ascent and descent, as well as the doorway to meeting higher needs.The same thing can occur in everyday life as well. People are constantly jockeying for position and that is what keeps the world spinning. In this process, people are differentiated and displaced. We are showing you how to ensure it happens because of you and not to you.The interrogator model is the model for how you will work. Through bonding and fracturing techniques, you either reinforce a sense of belonging and further differentiate someone as supertypical or reduce a person's distinction and place his sense of belonging to a group in jeopardy.The problem professionals in the intelligence field have encountered is that young American soldiers sometimes get so caught up in whom they are talking with that they forget what they are talking about. This is the way that spies get information from people who should know better. Whether it's a woman trading sex for secrets or a jovial host sharing schnapps with a foreign national, they make you forget who they are. They bond with you. After that, they pare your options, which is a process we explore in depth in Chapter 7. In brief, after you feel as though you belong—you are in the hierarchy to which this person belongs—then that person makes you feel special. You are differentiated. You may feel as though he thinks you're the only one worth talking to, or you're the only one worthy of making love to her. After that, it's a small step to making choices that keep you in that person's company and eliminating options that remove you from that person's company.client presentations, and myriad other business-related activities. You can easily do it with strangers in a business environment, sometimes more easily than with people you see on a regular basis.Knowing how someone tunes into the needs of people will give you clues as to where he himself sits in the hierarchy of needs. More importantly, if he is doing a poor job, and you can identify his needs and fulfill them, then your bond with him—and information flows freely as he forgets who you are.Talk with IntentYou begin by simply talking to people—with intent. What you learn in conversation will enable you to model your target, grasp the dynamics of the group, and then use tactics to bond or fracture. Talking with intent means probing, planting certain questions, active listening, and reading body language. It creates the opportunity to use psychological keys, such as flattery or criticism.When you converse with intent, the first thing that happens is your human interaction will deepen. It may sound as though we're asking you to treat people like zoo chimps, but that is exactly opposite from what you should, and need, to do. There is nothing inherently wrong with knowing what makes someone tick; in fact, it's the kind of information that marriage counselors try to get clients to reveal to each other to improve relationships.At the same time, there can be a Machiavellian quality to using the tools. Intelligence officers of all stripes use some variation of them to extract information. You need to know how that works, too, because as we said at the beginning of this book, manipulation is part of the program.Engage with Intent.Many of the skills you learn in this book are grown-up versions of kids' antics such as teasing about big ears or ugly shoes, and then relieving pressure by changing the subject. Fishing to find out secrets is another big one. The tools of interrogators, therefore, bear a striking similarity to things kids do naturally, but the childhood skills are put to sleep as life gets in the way.The only time an interrogator has leverage with a source is when the attack is personalized (AD HOMINEM ABUSIVE). That does not mean telling the guy that he has big ears and red hair. He probably looked in the mirror recently and already knows that. Unlike the bully, the interrogator personalizes it by bringing something to the forefront that the person really wants to guard. That creates anxiety. The offer to relieve that anxiety in exchange for the person doing something puts the interrogator in a position to extract useful information.It's all about the intended outcome. A good interrogator probes to find out what music makes the person dance, and then moves backward to make the person dance toward him. It is a form of legitimate seduction. The action of influencing that person is an ongoing process of implementing your strategy to lure him or her toward you. Think of interrogation as seduction and bullying as rape. With the “MeToo” movement in mind, you should be keenly aware of the distinction: the former involves consent and the latter does not.An integral part of an interrogator's success, unlike a bully, is the balance of threat and rescue. Whereas a bully wants only to threaten, an interrogator embeds a sense of rescue to keep the source moving toward him. The reward of cooperation—of performing the right dance—is that the threat will stop.An integral part of an interrogator's success, unlike a bully, is the balance of threat and rescue. Whereas a bully wants only to threaten, an interrogator embeds a sense of rescue to keep the source moving toward him. The reward of cooperation—of performing the right dance—is that the threat will stop.Act with IntentAn integral part of an interrogator's success, unlike a bully, is the balance of threat and rescue. Whereas a bully wants only to threaten, an interrogator embeds a sense of rescue to keep the source moving toward him. The reward of cooperation—of performing the right dance—is that the threat will stop.As schemes of influencing human behavior, bonding and fracturing require coordination. They sound like opposites, but you will often use them in concert to achieve an objective.Here is an overview of how bonding and fracturing may play out with your target:Bond a person to you.Bond a person to the group.Fracture the person from you, but bond him to the group.Fracture the person from the group, but bond him to you.Fracture the person from you and the group.The last bullet is not useful in terms of getting someone to do what you want. It is the scenario that interrogators scrupulously avoid with a valuable target: threaten to pull the rug out from under your source, but never actually do it. If you follow through with separating him from everyone, then you are left with an individual who has faced personal extinction, and no good has come of the encounter. The only exception is if you can artfully reverse the trend and help him to belong again, but with a much weaker perception of personal power. This isolation is tricky and dangerous work. It can result in horrendous actions by the person who feels he has nothing left to lose. We have personally known a few people who have committed suicide—a possible result of an extreme sense of isolation. Most people who commit suicide eliminate “belonging” along the way, whether intentionally or accidentally. Be careful how you manipulate someone into isolation, even if it's only a temporary effect.The Dynamic of BondingThese stories point to the two primary reasons of why people bond:Common enemyCommon causeThe Arab saying “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” points to the number-one way to get people to bond: give them a common enemy, whether you find one or create one.Bonding a Person to You-Find what the target is interested in and what he values and create similarities. Be fluid like a chameleon and project the qualities he is seeking so you can bond.-Discretion is a sophisticated skill that requires intelligence. When someone blurts out a secret or carefully takes you into her confidence, you need the ability to respond in a manner that reassures the person that you understand your responsibility. Keeping silent will boost your power. -In short, common ground leads to a bond and your discreet respect of the exchanges related to that bond glue someone to you.Bonding a Person to the Group-You could have two different dynamics at work here. First, your target might want to bond with the group. If you make that possible for him, he owes you. Or, he might have no reason to bond with that group, but you make it necessary or desirable for him do so, thereby getting what you want.-Bonding a person to a group. Interogaters in order to get enemy combatants to talk, so they start feeling what the prisoners feel. They start to smell, talk, sound, and eat like the people they live with—the prisoners—because they mirror them, and there is a real danger of getting too close.-Regardless of the impetus, and regardless of whether you are bonding with a friend or an enemy, one fact reigns: The closer you bond, the harder it is to refuse to give someone what he wants. The more sensible the request, the more likely it will be grated.-Refusing to bond can flip the power dynamic sometimes if they want you enough.But because he maintains the posture and persona of an outsider, he can cause change without it being perceived as a personal attack.If you are insider you will succumb to peer pressure and perceived as traitor.Peer-Group ManipulationIf you don't feel as though you belong somewhere, somehow—if you don't attach to at least some of the people around you—you suffer from a crippling estrangement from civilized society. The shift toward radical behavior is not a small step; it is a journey. Like Charles Manson, the leaders reward what they want and punish what they do not want. when someone is mentored and incentivized to go toward it, however, then the person being radicalized can continue to feel as though the effort—no matter how much violence it entails—allows her to maintain spiritual integrity.The Dynamic of FracturingThe downside of differentiation is fracturing: pointing out how someone is different from you or from the group, but in a negative way. Nonetheless, you can use it to achieve belonging, as well as separation. Research OstracizeFracture the Person from You, Bond Him to the Group.If you are in a superior position and authority.. invalidate everything he says with statements like:that makes no sense.You are unreasonable. Logical fallaciesFracture the Person from the Group, Bond Him to YouWhen you emphasize how much you and a person are alike, you can use fracturing to bond by insulating him from others, so he feels the need to cling to you. For example, if someone in your office is a goofball with whom no one really likes to spend time, and he knows this, he does his job just enough to keep it. You need something extra from him, though, so you point out commonalities that draw him to you. He will feel as though he has a reason to bond with you, and could never get reinforcement or honest respect from the others. He goes the extra mile for you because you make him feel he has real value.Another version of isolating is to make the person feel as though he has no belonging to the greater group. Maybe you make him feel like an idiot in front of others or push him in a position to alienate others. It's a dark, negative thing to do to someone, and you can potentially do it to anyone, including the head of the company. It's a dangerous ploy, but it can be effective if the person is already somewhat isolated from the group. It's a two-step process: First you drive him away (or further away) and then, to get him to do what you want, you dangle the carrot of acceptance. You are effectively demonstrating your own power within the group by doing this; you are a force to be reckoned with.You can do this to some degree in daily life and follow it up by getting someone to do what you want by creating a situation in which you create pressure and relieve it. In some cases, all you need to do is demonstrate that you have the power to separate the person from the group without actually doing it. The looming threat gets the job done. The fact that you don't go all the way paints you as somewhat magnanimous; he owes you one. (HURT AND RESCUE PRINCIPLE)Fracture the Person from You and the GroupAll of these skills are simply pry bars that allow you to create links and divisions you can later exploit. Used for their own sake, they are overt bullying. Used correctly, they are chess moves aimed toward an outcome. When you use these correctly, you are planning every step with the good of your long-term objective in mind. You decide: Will you bully or only use the tools when there is a long-term outcome in mind?