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breaking

i never go on these kind of sites but lately, the loneliness has really taken over, everyone is leaving me, or has left me, i dont know what im doing wrong. i really feel like a burden to most people, just someone to help with their problems and me dealing with mine alone. school has consumed my brain and i just feel exhausted all the time, i barely leave my bed and when i do it's because my mom yells at me to. i just feel really alone, for the past couple of days ive been seeking out anonymous chatrooms, hoping to find someone who can get me out of this, possibly a new friend, but they're all just horny men, (not even exaggerating) so that made me sink in further, ive contemplated suicide, but i ruled it out because of financial costs, i dont want to be even more of a burden than i already am. and you wanna know something so stupid? i got my mom a gift for her birthday, so did a lot of my family. and she posted her gifts online, thanking everyone for them. guess whose she didnt post? ah right, mine. im always forgotten, always left behind, always second choice. i dont know what to do, its not even worth it, i always tell myself that none of this is real, that when i die all of it will be forgotten, gone. that makes it feel a little better.

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Re: breaking

that really sucks

and i do get what you're feeling. it just s u c k s and suicide looks so easy sometimes. for me, it's not even wanting to die, it's just a want to stop existing. but the horny men can like, go away cause it's creepy i know what you're talking about.

life really sucks. it's really hard to keep going, and i can barely get out of bed somedays because of that. that feeling of just wanting to sink into the blankets and stop thinking is so, so tempting sometimes.

my parents are disappointed in me, but i think it's more cause i'm disappointed in myself and have a nasty habit of using humor as a coping mechanism. life just really sucks and i want to be out on my own, but at the same time i'm stuck wishing i was six again and didn't have to worry about anything.

and then there's that whole rabbit hole about beating yourself up because of your lifestyle and how great it is, which is so easy to trip and fall into. i don't feel like i can talk to my friends, because why would i dump my problems on them? there's also a thing about me hating pity, which is another weird thing. to cut a long, useless ramble short, i get how you feel.

but i think the little moments make it worth it so much, and maybe some people to just vent to along the way.

:)