mental breakdown

breakups are so hard!

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hi. so i recently told my ex i needed time to workout my feeling and focus on myself because i didnt know how to tell him my feelings when i was mad at him or sad with him so i had to work on that and i told him i needed aa week and a half and then a day after he went to the girl he was going to date before me and he told me he would wait for me and never ever go back to her and love me forever but yet he's back with her. i feel like im not good enough, he told me he would love me forever but he lied. why would someone do that. when i found out i told him ow i was feeling cuz when i took time on myself i finaly knew how to tell my feelings to people and grow in the relationship. he told me he would think about it, the next day he went all over school telling people he rejected me when he never said no... so when i got home i set him straight and said that i dont think me nd him should get back together and just be friends because i didnt want my heart to et shattered. it hurt so bad, he started to et salty so i left him on read. after that i started talking to guys again so that maybe i could use that energy but then i thought about it and i have to learn how to deal with my feelings and cope with it myself and be happy without a bf but when i was he went and told the guy i was talking to that i tried crawling back to him so i blocked my ex to prove i was over him to that guy.. but the truth is im not. i saw him at school two days ago and when i was on my way home i had a mental breakdown. i just feel like i cant talk to anyone in the world like no one cares about my feelings. and all i wanted was to tell someone so i could stop holding all the pain in. when i got home my mom saw me crying, i wouldnt talk or tell her what was happening cuz i didnt want her to worry. but eventually i told her and she told me to do some stuff and ive been trying. that night she left me home alone while i was still in a lot of pain so i wrote a docs about my feelings like a letter. it was my second mental breakdown in that day. to be honest i felt like killing myself because i didnt want to go through all the pain, but i couldnt kill myself becaue im the only thing thats keeping my mom alive her bf left her and she said if i didnt live with her she wouldnt have anything to do cuz she has to take care of me. yesterday she left home again and i went on tik tok and felt the same way again, and then i was gonna go sneak out with that guy but i didnt. today im home alone again and i just had to get this out there because i cant keep on holding all of this pain in.

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