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Broken

so recently my friend group has been braking apart and it made me really really sad. We all would talk alot and play video games together. We eventually joined a discord server where i met hella people and something went wrong and they dont like me anymore. The funny thing is that my two best friends were in there and they didnt defend me at all. The people were throwing so much hurtful words, messages etc. and their excuse is "Not my time or place". We all got into a facetime call and spoke about how we all felt assuming that it would make everyone feel better, it made the feel better but not me. They let those people talk all of that bs about me and just let it slide. Ive cried on countless occasions, and then i found a new group. We all played the now famous "Among Us" together and it was magical. Nothing bad was going on, i even invited some of my irls. But the thing is, those 2 people who are my "best friends" are in there and i just cant but help remeber everything that happened. Ive gone back to my sad mindset. Ive been having depressing thoughts (not s*icidal) and they all go back to one sentence, "its all my fault". I cant even talk to anyone about it so thats why im here and to be honest, letting it all out to strangers on the internet is making me feel a hell of alot better, but still feel the pain :/