broken human being

Time Spent- 9m
19 Visitors

to the capital city I went, all alone.

bags full of hope and positivity.

I thought I was lucky to be accepted.

it would be a lie if I say there are no red signs.

brushed the signs off with the luck thinking.

3 months of probation going on and on in tears.

the pressure was on and on from few directions.

my manager hated the way I handle things without screaming and the fight, she wanted me to yell and get angry.

when I lost control, she smiled as if she succeeded.

there were days I tried so hard to not cry in my cubicle.

and other days I cried on my way to the apartment.

They say I did a good job and offer me a 1-year contract.

I couldn't hold my tears when I saw the number of salary offers.

it felt like all my hard work was so cheap.

they gave a raise, then I signed the paper.

it's better than before I thought.

I missed the point of how stressful the environment was.

sometimes I cried in the middle of the night after the project,

thinking that I was a failure as they said.

marking myself as an incompetent and useless person.

thinking why am I here why am I even breathing.

I know I tried my best but sometimes I just couldn't help to feel like a failure and shit as they said.

even the one I looked up, hurt me like no other.

she said I wasn't fit for the job,

my attitude was so bad,

I won't survive working outside the country,

my work isn't that good,

that I should see myself.

I thought it would be better to explain things,

so other will understand the other point of view.

but when I explain things it just got worse.

they offer me a 1-year contract again.

without a salary increase.

simply because my director thought that 

I am not special,

there is no project that couldn't go on without me.

I ended up went home to my mother and father.

but I am a broken human being.

I hurt my parents with my words.

I kept thinking I am a failure and better be dead.

can't see my future, it's like walking in a dark tunnel

I can't see the end of it.