Sometimes I wonder why I was even born and a lot of the times I wish I hadn’t been. I feel so lonely with no one I can feel like I can speak to. I am gay and have a boyfriend which I honestly don’t even know if I want to be with anymore. My parents have accepted me but my relationship with my dad is not good and we just don’t communicate. I don’t feel comfortable communicating anything to my parents about me and about my pains. I am fat and I feel gross and unwanted I sometimes wonder if anyone can love me when I hate myself so much. I feel like I am my own poison and I know what has happened is because of my actions. My parents argue a lot and I’ve gotten used to it. I’m in university but I can’t study I hate it but and I can’t get round to it. I sometimes want to sit down and do it but I feel tired after a bit and I can’t apply myself to it. I sometimes wonder if university was even the right choice. I know my many flaws and I understand why people don’t like me. I don’t like myself either. I wish I could get a therapist but I don’t have the income and I don’t want to let my parents know I need one. I don’t want to let my parents know how much I want to die and how much it hurts to wake up every day feeling like this. I don’t know what I want from the future in terms of job I just want someone to love me deeply and someone I can also love the same. I don’t know what to do but I am still trying every day I have to move forward even after walking back but it’s so hard especially all alone. Thank you for reading if you did I needed to vent. Im still young at 21 and my life can still change I know I don’t have it the worse however that doesn’t mean it’s still not hard for me.