I'm so sick of it. Im sick of being told I'm not good enough. That I need to do more. I need to focus on my grades but also need to change myself. I'm trying not to fucking kill myself. I dont give a shit about my fucking grades. I'm trying as hard as I fucking can but that obviously wony be very good when theres a voice telling me to just leave it because I wont be fucking alive In the next couple of days.
I'm sick of being compared to my brother. He got ready way out, okay? He got to fucking stay in the country he wanted to. He got to go to a school where he actually understood the fucking language. He doesnt have to live with a mother that constantly tells you that she wishes you were never born. That you're the reason shes a bad person. That you're the reason her life is fucked up.
He got to run away. He got to leave. I need to fucking decide my whole future, which I dont even want, in 6 days and no one gives a shit. They fucking know about my fucking suicide thoughts. They know. AND THEY DONT DO FUCKINV ANYTHING.
"Whatever a psychologist will say, I can day to you myself" no you fucking cant. The person who caused my entire life to be like this cant fix it. I dont want you. And the dreams I have with you just keep getting worse. The thoughts. The everything. Just let me fucking go. I dont want this anymore.
Sometimes I just want to get hurt really badly. Just to see if you would care even the tiniest bit. But you wont. Because I'm the cause of all the bad things in your life, right?
Fuck this. I'm just gonna fucking do it. Theres nothing to stop me anymore. No one will care. No one will notice. They've got other people to be with. Bye.