Years ago. And I mean 20 almost. I met a man. He was pleasant and nice and treated me kindly. He flirted mercilessly and eventually I caved. We 'dated', he and I, even though we were both married to other people (me, less so than he, because my spouse and I had agreed to split) and we were both in the military. And if you know anything about that, it's against the rules. I was stupid and someone told me about 'Cakemen'. It was from something written by Dr. Roger A. Rhoades. The quote from that piece that truly hit me hard was the following, "Cakemen are men who want to have their cake and eat it too. These men do not leave their wives. They stay with their wives and date someone else at the same time." That was me. I was the someone else. He wasn't going to leave his wife for me. We eventually broke up. I knew this was 'wrong' but it's hard when someone treats you well. Fast forward about five years and his wife left him. We were still talking. Heck, we're still friends (even now) on Facebook. On a Monday, I take a break from my work and we talk. I think he's trying to tell me that he wants to be with me. I was single (divorced, no kids) and he's divorced. On Tuesday, my friend Jewel posts something about being in love. Jewel was someone the Cakeman and I met on the Internet in the wild early days of chatrooms and the weird blogging sites. She was supportive of our relationship. I was clueless. I talked to him again on Wednesday and he was all happy and not saying a word. Go forward three months, he and I talking occasionally, neither of us broaching the idea of us getting back together. Then I found out from my best friend that Cakeman and Jewel are dating. I was livid at both of them. If they were happy, that's great, but basically cutting me out because they were 'worried' I was going to get mad... made me mad. They're still married and I'm glad I am not with him. Now let's get to the present day. I find out that a Twitter Verified User has lost his job (not the one we ALL know about) and has found a new one. I tweet to congratulate him. About 25 minutes after he tweets a thank you to me, he slides into my DMs. It's mainly chatter about the new job, what happened with the old job, etc. This guy is at least a bit, my idol in the field he's in. He's been president of one of the most prestigious organizations within his field. While he was president, he made a big mistake and his name was all over the media for a week or so. Then things started getting a little more personal. He starts going up to the line but not crossing it. We don't live near each other (I guess around 250 miles). But he's married. How do I get myself in these situations? How? What makes it okay? I learned my lesson the last time. I don't let him talk about anything 'intriguing' and he'll eventually get bored. It'll be interesting over the next few weeks.

Years ago.  And I mean 20 almost.  I met a man.  He was pleasant and nice and treated me kindly. He flirted mercilessly and eventually I caved.  We 'dated', he and I, even though we were both married to other people (me, less so than he, because my spouse and I had agreed to split) and we were both in the military.  And if you know anything about that, it's against the rules.  I was stupid and someone told me about 'Cakemen'.  It was from something written by Dr. Roger A. Rhoades.  The quote from that piece that truly hit me hard was the following, "Cakemen are men who want to have their cake and eat it too. These men do not leave their wives. They stay with their wives and date someone else at the same time."  That was me.  I was the someone else.  He wasn't going to leave his wife for me.  We eventually broke up.  I knew this was 'wrong' but it's hard when someone treats you well.  Fast forward about five years and his wife left him. We were still talking.  Heck, we're still friends (even now) on Facebook.  On a Monday, I take a break from my work and we talk.  I think he's trying to tell me that he wants to be with me.  I was single (divorced, no kids) and he's divorced.  On Tuesday, my friend Jewel posts something about being in love.  Jewel was someone the Cakeman and I met on the Internet in the wild early days of chatrooms and the weird blogging sites.  She was supportive of our relationship.  I was clueless.  I talked to him again on Wednesday and he was all happy and not saying a word.  Go forward three months, he and I talking occasionally, neither of us broaching the idea of us getting back together.  Then I found out from my best friend that Cakeman and Jewel are dating.  I was livid at both of them.  If they were happy, that's great, but basically cutting me out because they were 'worried' I was going to get mad... made me mad.They're still married and I'm glad I am not with him.Now let's get to the present day.  I find out that a Twitter Verified User has lost his job (not the one we ALL know about) and has found a new one.  I tweet to congratulate him.  About 25 minutes after he tweets a thank you to me, he slides into my DMs.  It's mainly chatter about the new job, what happened with the old job, etc.  This guy is at least a bit, my idol in the field he's in.  He's been president of one of the most prestigious organizations within his field.  While he was president, he made a big mistake and his name was all over the media for a week or so.  Then things started getting a little more personal.  He starts going up to the line but not crossing it.  We don't live near each other (I guess around 250 miles).  But he's married.  How do I get myself in these situations?  How?  What makes it okay?  I learned my lesson the last time.  I don't let him talk about anything 'intriguing' and he'll eventually get bored.  It'll be interesting over the next few weeks.  