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can someone help me

hi, i am so sad right now, my heart is aching from being so sad. i feel like i have no one, i have friends but they’re not close close friends, i’ve drifted away from all my friends, and i only have two college friends, but i feel like i can’t talk to them because they have their own lives and own friends, and my close friend i don’t know, she says she’s there for me but whenever i ask to meet she always makes excuses so i feel like she doesn’t want to be with me or like me, i have no one to talk, i want to cry but i just can’t, no tears are coming out and all i can feel is the ache feeling in my chest and a lump in my throat. i really need someone to talk to :( i really don’t want to be here anymore, personally i really don’t see my self making it past the age of 20 and i’ve just turned 17, i’m not living anymore i’m just surviving, fighting with my thoughts, i have no purpose in life, nothing to live for. i don’t see the point anymore. i really need someone right now :( please someone help