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Years ago, we had a fight. He fights dirty. He fights mean and manipulative. He is not abusive. Just a better fighter, a better memory for details, and I forget why I was right, though I know I was. I wanted out of our marriage. Or away from him. But I’m dependent on him for everything. Standing by the driveway, looking down at a shrub, I wished him dead. Not really dead, for our children’s sake. Just... gone. Just... easier. But the thought did pass through my mind.

and now. I have cancer. Did I do this?

I’m sorry.