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My fiance has been texting other females lately asking for help on what to do with our relationship, I have talked to him about everything but he doesn't tell me anything. He feels it's a sign of weakness, earlier tonight I went through his phone and he was telling this girl how he wanted to start over. As in he likes her and wants to start over with her, she told him he should tell me about how he feels. He said all I ever do is complain, I feel I shouldn't tell him how I feel anymore seeing is how I just talk to him. He said I sleep when he goes to work, I do. I don't have a job, with everything just opening up I don't have cash for a State ID which some jobs where I live require a State ID, i would ask him for cash so I can get one but I don't wanna be a mulch, I've tried everything to make him happy and sadly it goes to show I'm not making him happy enough

In the past few days I've been feeling suicidal and he doesn't know cause he is the reason why. I have trust issues cause of what he's done, I know if I walk away he won't let me leave. But if he walks away I have to let him go cause it's what best.

I have been afraid to ask anyone anything my entire life and right now I feel really ugly, unsatisfying and I feel like I'm messing up and ruining his life. He doesn't know that cause i don't want to talk about my feeling any more. I'm hurting and I wish I could fuckin kill myself...