I'm in a relationship where my every move is questioned. We live in separate houses, occasionally we'll stay at his but more often mine. I don't drive, he does, so I need to stay at mine more because of my work and I have cats. We were together in our teens, he ended us and then went out with my friend, married her, had two children and then she had an affair and they divorced in 2015. He vowed to look for me, he found me and stupidly I went there. I was in a relationship that was dead, not toxic or bad but just dead, so it ended and I went on to have a relationship with the new guy. Once it went public the cracks started showing in tiny ways that went unnoticed at first. He was a guy that spent a lot of time with mates, football, did the hooligan thing, even did time when younger, when with his wife. It was his past but I said I don't tolerate the football hooligan thing and if he still did it he'd have to go. He accepted that and toned it down dramatically, great yeah? He went away with the lads to London, I was at work, he started coming out with things in messages and telling me I was up to stuff! I worked in a nursing home, 12 hour shifts. What was I doing? Anyway it got strained and after he came back we talked and argued about it, what had I done? Things were said and things were sorted, so I thought. Weeks in and we were arguing again, something else this time. He has a need to speak and say things when there appears nothing is wrong. Then says I'm doing things, hiding things and I tell him nothing. He knew everything about my life, it's ups and downs, big mistake yeah? He told me he'd"f**k things up" he said he knew he'd push me away, yet when we'd argue and I'd say go he'd say why, what have you got planned, what don't you want me to see? Etc etc. We holidayed, he paid, I'm a carer not a millionaire, I always said I couldn't afford it but he insisted. Well that come up on holiday, my lack of paying, despite me having some spends saved but I was treading carefully as it wasn't a massive amount. Anyway the holiday was awful for two or three days, then was great. Things went well for a bit, then I'd get more accusations, out of nowhere, major insecurities left right and centre. I'd be home on a day off, I'd chill in my house and would get accused of being upto things, despite not moving, then asked who are you talking to online? I have friends, male and female, I'd speak publicly with no inboxes yet I'd be told I was. Should I have to prove my every online movement to satisfy his mistrust of me? My friend had a partner who had betrayed her, he went on a swingers site, I told my partner everything, he them went on the site himself, (you had to join just to browse) and accused me of being on it, he even said he had an IP address to prove I was in people's houses having threesomes. He sent me pictures of girls scantily clad and said they were me because one had a pair of shorts the same. They certainly were not me and this I proved. He came out with alsorts of accusations, this went on for weeks. I'd sent him home and not let him near, yet he'd be outside my work to pick me up etc, leaving flowers at my door and work. Still accusing me. It came to a head, I told him show me your proof etc, he couldn't and admitted he made it all up, weeks of torture and yet all made up. He then told me he had proof I'd spoken with his friend, admittedly a good looking lad, I'd met twice, once at a concert, another time in a pub, both times with the partner, who had warned me the friend was a chancer! I'd never spoken with him outside of the two occasions I met him. I messaged the friend telling him of the accusations and told the partner and then blocked the friend so I could no longer be accused. It didn't matter, that went on for weeks. It's been four years now and still life has got harder. I've had questions as to why I wear certain underwear, why I was, dry and style my hair. I had an annual gas check and was accused of being upto to something there, so he made sure he came back to my house whilst the gas man was there. He said things about me and my stepdad. He's said heaps and heaps of things and yes I've retaliated. We went to Manchester for a night out, I paid for the hotel. He said something in a bar and went to the toilet. He was gone a while, I just stood with my drink trying not to look around for fear of him watching and making something up about me. He came back and accused me of something, I can't remember, it got very heated so I came out if the bar, he followed saying alsorts of things, he was goading me and doing all strange actions, it got aggressive and he pushed me into a doorway banging my head, I punched him several times in the face, he then grabbed my head and said he was trying to kiss me, no that's not what I saw, so I bit into his lip, my lip was cut too, before I'd bit his. The police stopped us and told me as I'd paid the hotel he was not to go there. I went there and hours later he came to the hotel and told me he had nowhere else so he was staying there! I had to put up with it and just went to sleep. It's a constant battle everyday, he has to gripe at everything, especially how much I spend compared to him. I earn around £1200 a month, he can earn upto £1000 a week at times. He asked me to marry him Xmas 2019, he bought this diamond ring that cost over £3000, it lasted a few months before I said take back the ring. He'd caused another arguement and expected me to accept it, it went off like a bottle of pop, he said everything I've done for you and bought I'll take back, telling me he'd rip up the decking and fencing etc. So I packed the ring and jewellery into a bag, he said he wanted the TV he bought for Xmas for me etc so I packed it all up. He took it home. He said i want you to have the ring what good is it to me, I said sell it, it should have a diamond certificate, he said you've been going through my things, how would you know that, to which I said I knew that as my friend had one and I already owned a diamond ring my son's dad had bought me. It went on from there, got worse, flowers sent to my house, work, gifts left outside my door, constant messages all day everyday, some angry some apologetic, then accusations again. It's been four years of the same thing. I stopped having so much contact with my family because I'd be accused of planning and plotting behind his back with them. They knew about so much of the to true but not everything because they really dislike him. They've not known much in the last year, I've distanced myself that much. I have no outside friends because if the same reason, I just have work friends. I have anxiety pains in my chest daily with the dread of what's coming next. Everything I do is thrown back in my face, I'm currently being accused of not being interested in sex so there must be something going on. Despite having it explained to him. Yes sex can be great, I'll dress up for him etc, we make it fun. But why would I want sex with someone who constantly beats me down, yet because he says I'm the most beautiful thing in the world, he believes that makes things ok. I really need help, not from someone who knows us, because there'd be too much bias there. It will never end this torture, I cannot be with him, I really want to be on my own and just be happy, but he won't allow it. How do I do this? My past has been plagued with violence from past relationships,I swore never again, I didn't have it in my last one then I get a controlling narcissistic demanding person who totally fooled me into thinking he was my hero.