I cheated on my boyfriend on December, 2019. I didn´t sleep with anyone. It was just a kiss, well, 3 kisses. I was drunk, my friend was drunk (not an excuse, just giving you context). We were sitting and smoking on the sidewalk outside the club. My friend started to talk about his depressive/suicidal thoughts, as we usually do; this wasn´t uncommon, and I know he needed someone to talk to. I remember telling him "please, don´t kill yourself" and hugging him. He then kissed my forehead, which I found super cute, friendly cute, and we just hugged for a long time. Then, he mentioned that a friend of his had told him that I said that if I wasn´t with my boyfriend, I would be with him. He wanted to know if that was true. I said I didn´t remember saying that (I really don´t), but that it was probably true (it really was). He remained silent and then said "can I give you a kiss?". I thought about it for like 2 seconds and said "Okay". We kissed for a fraction of second, no tongue or anything. He waited a few seconds and said "Can I give you another one?". I said "Okay" again. Same as before. He waited again and asked the same question. This time, I said "Yes, but this will be the last one. Really, we won´t kiss again after this one, I mean it". He nodded and we kissed for the third and last time. And really, we haven´t done anything again, and I haven´t cheated on my boyfriend with anyone since. My friend has tried to kiss me on other ocassions afterwards (while being drunk), but I´ve told him "You know I can´t. I have a boyfriend" and then he stops trying.The following morning, he texted me saying he was sorry, and that he acted like an idiot. I said don´t worry about it. We haven´t really spoken about it since, we just kept on acting as if nothing had happened. I hope he doesn´t tell anyone.The thing is I haven´t told my boyfriend and I think I never will. I feel terrible, horrible about it, and I´m sure I will never cheat on him again. But if I tell him, that would destroy him, and honestly I would rather live with this horrible guilt than make him suffer for the consequences of my selfish actions. I also don´t want to break up with him because I love him and our relationship is really so full of love, understanding and respect, except for that stupid moment.I keep asking myself why I did it, and I feel I´ll never understand why. I mean, I was drunk, but not that drunk to not know what I was doing. Hell, I even thought about it after my friend asked the first time and genuinely agreed. I have felt attracted to my friend, but never more than I am to my boyfriend. Was I too emotional from our previous conversation? Did I not want to be rude or make things akward by rejecting him? Was I moved by the fact that he asked to kiss me instead of just doing it as guys usually do? Did I miss my boyfriend because we hadn´t been able to see each other in a while and had gone to a difficult time? Did I just want to be absolutely selfish for one night? I have no idea. If I could go back, I would love to be there again and instead of saying "Okay" say something like "Hey, I would like to, but I don´t want to disrespect my boyfriend, he doesn´t deserve that". My friend would have understood that. Why didn´t I say that???