This is gonna be the first in probably a couple entries. There’s not gonna be a schedule, it’s more of a “hey, this thing I remembered is kinda weird and I feel like I need to talk about it” thing.
First of all, hi. If you wanna call me anything, you can call me Kida. My pronouns are she/her, and I identify as bisexual. Granted, my parents don’t know that. I’m turning 18 this August and I’m counting the days. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my parents; I just don’t agree with their beliefs and values. Any other leftist minor living with heavily conservative parents will understand my struggle.
Now, in my own way, I’ve been trying to get through to my mother. She’s admitted to me that the reason she’s homophobic (she claims she isn’t because she isn’t afraid of queer individuals but she doesn’t want us to be able to marry who we love) is solely because of her faith, and I’ve pointed out several inconsistencies in her faith and the ramblings of their pastor.
In one of these conversations, I asked her this question: “If God told you to kill me, like you believe he did to Abraham, would you do it?” The next thing she said to me was: “I really wish you hadn’t asked that question, because I know the answer isn’t what you want to hear.” So now I just have to live with the fact that at any moment, my mother could believe she heard “God” tell her to kill me and she would.
This happened a little under a year ago. I’m almost sure she’s forgotten about it by now, but clearly I haven’t. Every once in a while it comes back to my memory and almost throwing me into a panic attack. This is one of several reasons why I can’t wait to move out.