I'm not depressed, but I think of suicide. I'm not depressed, but I attempted suicide. I'm not depressed, but I harmed myself and cry my heart out every night. I'm not depressed but I'm fucking tired. I hate my family, and I love my friends. I hate my life, but I feel guilty to God. I'm a Christian but I know all I did were sinful acts. I just wanna lay down because I'm so tired. I wanna sleep, and never wake up. People around me only cared because they need me. They stayed because I'm still useful. I just... I don't know anymore. I've been sleep deprived lately and I want to quit everything in life, but on the other side I still want to live. Deep inside, I know I still want to live. I wanna see what my future holds. That's why I keep striving and hoping. I wish that one day, when I am at my peak, I made the right choice... And that choice, is to live. I hope my future self will think back to these days, she'll just laugh and cringe. I just hope so.