3 months ago
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Comment about India

I also have standards. I’m descended from knights. I can read history books & find things my ancestors did.

As a child I had no parents. So I kneeled to God.

My whole life I used my superior athletic ability to defend others. I protected the weak; nerds; gays; disabled, whomever.

I’ve lived by a code of honor. I take a knee only to God.

I’m autistic. I was laughed at until my body turned into the hulk. They still laughed; only behind my back.

I had a job where I solved complex things scientist & engineers couldn’t solve. Yet I heard people laugh behind my back.

But I don’t let hate own me. I used that energy to drive me to accomplish more.

If you let hate control you then the bullies win. They feel frustrated. They take it out on you. If you let that break you then they win.

I outlived nearly all of my childhood abusers. I smile more than they did. I’m going to Heaven when I die. That’s my revenge. I didn’t let them beat me.

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3 months ago

Re: Comment about India

If you think I let them beat me, then you clearly ignored 99% of what I wrote. I'm saying I never let them affect my work, that I'm not going to let them do so even now, and, furthermore, that I wrote this just to vent. I wrote it here because this website is for that purpose. And I am pretty sure you do it too. So stop bringing my entire character into questions and preaching to me because of one thing I did - which everyone does - which in no way reflects the real me. And if you never vent, if you never say things that are not reflective of you best self, then you wouldn't be on this website. Look within you, and be honest at least to yourself. Oh, and if you still maintain, that you are impeccably sensible, a being led solely by reason, and make fun of my character from the heights of your supposed wisdom, there is much in your post that I find contemptible. Seriously, you are proud of your descent? I'm proud of my effort, my passion for learning, not things like that that I don't have to work for and that don't say anything about me. My intention is not to demean you here. My intention is to show you that you are hardly perfect, so stop holding yourself above me.

You know what, let's just end it. I was really disturbed this afternoon, I had to clear my head, journalling didn't help, so I wrote what I did. It was just that. I'm not proud of everything I said, but I'll be damned if I apologise to an instituion of decay or regarding what I said about it. I am justified in being upset, and being upset for a while doesn't in any away take away for my character. I hate defending because I know I'm not perfect. But I also hate taking lectures from people because I see they are just as bad as I am or worse. I am going about my life the way I want to. You don't have to tell me anything. I just wanted to clear up that I was in a bad mood, that that doesn't give you the right to scorn me - because the person I am 99% of the time wouldn't even be on this website. If you continue to preach, you are the superficial "goody good" person - like Alexei Andreivich to my Anna Karenina.