a month ago
Time Spent- 1h 5m
24 Visitors

Commitment...

I realised something just now... I'm terrified... I'm scared of opening up... Just asked my mother "would you support me if I wanted to raise kids on my own someday" I'm only 19... But the thought of opening up to anyone scares me so much...I'm afraid that they will leave... I mean my dream is to meet that one person that will stick around through thick and thin... I'm scared to open my heart to someone that could just leave.. But I've always known that I want kids.. And of course I dream of that life with the guy that completes me and makes me into a better person, and one day have kids, maybe a lot when we're ready..... But i don't wanna risk having my heart broken, so maybe having kids and doing it on my own, is the solution... Everybody leaves, at least everybody except for my parents... Maybe they will to someday, i don't know.... I tell people to not me be scared and take life as it is, be happy and worry about the rest later... But how come when it comes to myself I'm terrible with good advice... I know what I should do but I don't want to... Is that so bad?? The want for not wanting my heart broken is bigger than wanting the dream life... Maybe i should accept that everybody leaves and leave my life like that. I'm only 19 but I'm already so terrified and it's gotten worse every year... But if you're reading this, I really hope that you're not as scared as me... I'm really scared because once I've given my heart away it's very hard to find it again... good advice that others could give right now would help but I have no one to talk to... Even if my parents have been with me, I don't feel like I could talk to them... My mother tells me that I'm a drama queen and my father just seems to be more sad than me... When I cry he cries because he knows that when I cry in front of people it's bad... Everybody tries to give me advice to move forward but nobody just sits there with me and tells me that they're on my side... I'm just tired of it and I've almost given up on the thought of love... Be happy, knowing that someone else is happy makes me believe in true happiness again...