confession time


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When going to a catholic confession i would lie with not so sinister things to seem normal. Lying at a confession that's so sad, I always liked the idea of people hearing me out and just telling me theyre there but the “anonymity” wasn’t enough for me that’s why this is so perfect. So below for whoever or nobody ever who sees this, this is a total confession for my life.

I lie so often about such trivial things from my childhood it’s gotten to a point where I can’t tell the lies from the truth anymore. I don’t know why or how I started doing it but I’ve continued my whole life.

I want something bad to happen to me so I can feel like it’s not all in my head, like i have a reason.

I resent my best friend for being beautiful for having everyone want her, for people coming up to her and asking her for her number. I resent her for making me realize everything I will never be.

When I was in sixth grade I was weird and hung around not necessarily weird kids but less popular kids, around 8th grade I stopped talking to them completely because I wanted to be pretty and have more friends. I wanted the attention and ease of being a pretty girl. I regretted this decision and couldn’t go back bc they thought I was prick who thought i was better than them. I never felt more isolated than when I stopped being friends with them.

I always wanted my parents to get a divorce, then it almost happened and I still blame myself for it almost happening and forcing my mom to stay.

I end up really loving my friends platonically and whenever I realize that I do, I push them away and never tell them why.

I hate myself so much everything about me inside and out from the way I speak to my hairy back, and once a friend told me they were worried for me. That I always joked about it and she said you realize your beautiful and it’s not okay to compare yourself thsi much. I resented her for a long time for pointing out something I had not spoken into reality, like somehow it was her fault.

I use my mom she cooks for me ,she cleans up after me, does my laundry. She never even complains even with her crippling immune disease. And i keep using her just bc it’s convenient, she once broke down and said her family treats her like a slave. We all said sorry then went bavk to treating her that way the next day.

I spat in someone’s food one time. No i didn’t that’s a lie I just feel the need to makeup something good but i haven’t really done anything bad in my life, nothing good either.