Today is the first day I feel really better. I had such plans for what I would do today but instead I took things too fast and ended up back in bed. Yes I had the virus and this is my story. 22 days ago I started feeling a scratch in my throat. On the 17th of June I started feeling ill, and the first fever spiked. Two days later I went to the doctor. I told him I haven't been ill in 10 years so it must be the coronavirus. He gave me a script, pain meds, something for my lungs and lots of vitamins. He also sent me off to get tested. I was too late to get tested the Saturday so then I went back the Sunday. After each trip my fever sky rocketed. I hit numbers like 38 and 40 degrees. The fevers came in cycles of chills, i shivered like i was in ice then I took painkillers and anti inflammatory meds. Then i experienced intense heat where I had to be dabbed with cold cloth. Thereafter it was profuse sweating. I became so disheartened as these cycles continued. By the Monday the coughing started. The worst about the coughing was the intense headaches. I felt like my head was cracked open. Sleeping was impossible. I had to sit upright because breathing was difficult and i just heard crackling sounds from my chest. By the friday I sent the doctor email saying please help me feel better. He was hestitant because we didnt have my covid results yet. Eventually he sent me for x rays and then finally the Saturday it was confirmed that I had the virus and it had escalated to covid pneumonia. Only then did the doctor give me an antibiotic for pneumonia, as well as pills for my lungs and then meds for coughing. Slowly i started feeling better and took about two weeks for my breathing to finally settle. The pneumonia was tough. At one point I was turning blue in my nails and around my mouth. The doc wanted me to be admitted to hospital but firstly there were no beds available which means i had to go to the emergency ward and wait for a bed. At this point I just knew that going to sit in an emergency ward was going to make me sicker. I remember how I looked for hope in my mother and my husbands eyes. But they were so scared. My husband cried twice. Just spent by all the anxiety. He was so diligent in checking my temperature and giving me my meds on time. Also during this blue time I had this moment where I felt like I was blowing up into a huge balloon. Yet i felt like this tiny spec of something and all I can feel is my heartbeat. At this point I told my mom to distract me because it was anxiety I think. So then she touched me all over my body and asked if I could feel it. This helped me come back to reality. Eventually I realised that I was looking to everyone else to tell me I was going to be ok, but I realised that I had to make the decision that I was going to be ok. What made this journey especially hard was thinking about the virus and how many people may have been exposed because of me. So now there is feeling dreadful and feeling guilty. Everyone that asks how I am just want to know my results. Eventually Im like hallo. Screw the results im sick here. Then when the results were confirmed I felt like everyone was so afraid. My mother was so worried about me but she was afraid too. I told her not to come but I was so thankful when she came on day 5. She laid her cold hands on me and touched my face and said a prayer over me. She wore her mask and took every necessary precaution. But she also helped me to the toilet, washed me, washed my clothes, encouraged me, and made me lots of tea with ginger to help with the the coughing. Everyday she told me how happy she is that im looking better. I watched a video now where the doctor put so much emphasis on quarantine and self isolation. Yes its important that we are careful and take all necessary precautions. But we shouldn't let our fear make us act stupid and cruel. I believe that this virus is scary and lonely and thats why more people are dying than should. Leaving somone in a dark hole all by themselves will surely kill them. My heart goes out to those in hospitals. When i went for my xray i had to go alone and I was told i couldnt touch anything. I was so sick, no one even supported me when I almost fell over. I mean was the coronavirus going to attack you if you just made me feel a little bit safer, cared for? And then the worst of all was when my mother was admonished for coming to help me. She was accused of putting so many people at risk because she came to help me. Im very sorry, but if I had been left alone, only my husband to care for me, care for our two year old, and work online from home, and deal with so many anxieties, then Im pretty sure I would not be typing this experience. To protect our baby we sent him to his grandmother. I haven't seen my baby for two weeks, and they are hesitant to send him back because the coronavirus is still in my house. Do you know why I need to self isolate? To protect me. Not you. My body fought a virus! And survived! I took strong meds that lowered my immune system. So im told im in prison and i must not set my foot anywhere. When in fact i need to stay put so that i stay away from your germs. Then there is the issue of how i got this virus. Do you realise that you could have been an asymptomatic carrier that gave it to me! Peoples fear feels like the coronavirus is wrapped around my house likes vines and they might get it if they pull up into my drive way. I fought and killed that virus. Im a boss! So stop treating me like a leper already. Its ok to be afraid. But dont be an arse! People with the virus are still people. And they need your love and care to get through this. Be kind, be helpful, and yes take all necessary precautions to protect yourself and your family members. Together we can beat this virus. Yes we letting go of the hugs and kisses and we are maintaining social distancing. But we shouldn't let our fear allow us to judge, criticise and forget that people who are ill still need help, encouragement and hope. One of my symtoms were these terrible anxious dreams that made it really hard to sleep and heal. I hope that allowing myself to vent will easy my heart and help me let go of the angry feelings, emotions, and memories. I hope my letter will touch peoples hearts and help them be careful and kind. Xx