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Crush? But I have mixed feelings- Ⓙ

So, I didnt have many crushes unlike girls in my grade, I'm almost 13, going into 8th grade. I have only had about four crushes that were deep and lasted a while.

But in seventh grade last year, I became friends with a guy, at first he "bullied" me I guess then we kinda became real good friends but not friends attitude kinda thing. Towards the beginning of 2020 I started liking him but at the same time I didn't. He was mean to me at school outside of class around others. We are in the same class and we sit next to each other in every class too. He is then nice to me in class with occasional teasing like drawing on my notebook of taking my paper. It was cute. Out of nowhere he takes my stuff and I get mad so I take his own up case, he then punches me t the lockers, we also have lockers next to each other...I get really mad and hurt physically. But I can't seem to avoid talking to him since Im not a very social girl I only talk to friends. So a few months pass, CORONA comes and I really like him now. But it's only online class and I always have the erge to message him. It's not like crushes where you are blinded because I hate him sometimes for things he did at the same time I like him, I'm so confused. People also ship me with him a bunch which made me like him moreee! What do I do? He isn't like a normal boy either

He is smart, annoying, but quiet, violent, and he is probably numb since he has never liked anyone before it never really amused him. I am thinking about confessing to him after we get into high school so it won't be awkward for us since he probably won't like me back at all.

If you read this to the end and you have suggestions pls help with what I should do??

-Ⓙ

I left that there so I can find this again( ╹▽╹ )