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Crush on my best friend's fucked up ex

A few weeks ago, I met my best friend's ex. She usually tells me everything but she didn't tell me about him, I never even knew who he was.

He's mentally not ok, his parents are abusive and he has tried to commit suicide quite a few times. He had a serious problem with some pretty heavy duty drugs, he dated a few toxic people, he self harms and he has depression. When he dated my best friend it really healed him, he took a few steps towards recovery and became more stable.

The problem was, it was terrible for my best friend. He was so draining, she had to stop him from killing himself so many times, he expected her to fix everything for him but wouldn't try and help himself at all, just thought he would miraculously get better without having to do anything himself. She was so stressed and it really took a toll on her mental health. She broke up with him a few months ago, but still tries to be there for him.

I absolutely hate myself for this, but when I met him for some reason I kinda liked him. He's more than his mental health issues, and can be a genuinely caring and funny person when he's feeling more on the upside. We share a lot of the same interests and personality traits, so I connect with him pretty well. My dad is a mental health nurse, so I understand him better than most people and I can use my skills I've learnt from my dad's parenting to help him get through his tougher moments, which is another reason we connect well. He's actually very interesting, has some great stories to tell, and all round a good person, behind all of his problems.

But he's my best friend's ex. She doesn't like him anymore, but he's still in love with her. I know I shouldn't feel this way about him, it's so stupid and I should just leave it alone and avoid him to get rid of my feelings for him. Sometimes it feels like he's flirting with me, but I think he's attracted by the parts of my personality that remind him of my best friend, and I don't want to be a replacement for her.

There's also the problem of me and my best friend's relationship, I don't want to ruin it by having feelings for her fucked up, emotionally manipulative ex. I really hate the fact that I feel this way.

Does anyone else have any experiences like this? What should I do? I really don't know, sorry this is so long, I'm not very good at summarising.

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Re: Crush on my best friend's fucked up ex

My friend's fucked up school mate tried to flirt with me. I don't think your friend has feelings for him & he's over your friend. And he has feelings for you now too. I think he's just emotionally attached to your friend for helping him out during a tough time & still needs her for support. But if he likes you & you can help him there is nothing coming in between you. You should tell your friend. Her main concern will probably only be that it could be mentally draining for you. But you have resources so it won't. You should talk to your friend honestly, then you might find out she has no issue with you ending up with him. She broke up with him for a reason & she's probably not interested unless she said she wishes there was a way. She's just there for him as friend rn. He probably doesn't see you as a replacement for your friend or he would ask for help the same way.

Just help your best friend fix her ex. Well said. It's a love triangle but I think I would go with your best friend. She still be there for her ex even tho she doesn't love him anymore. Just wait sometime and you can come close to him once he gets all his life problems fixed. Not easy and long, that's why you gotta help him for a longggg time.