Crying as my comfort and other different things

Time Spent- 2m
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I don't know when it start, but I like to cry without any reason. And I have this kind of obsession that I want to get hurt emotionally to know my limit and how long I can handle being in pain . And after crying, I feel better , its like a reset action for me. I self pity and sometimes I lack empathy towards others. I have this habit ruining someone's efforts for me, like surprises and services. I just feel indebted to them everytime they do me favor, it feels like I need to return it back and it's a hassle. I was extrovert but after realizing that keeping good relationship with other people is very tiring. I start to minimize going outside and meeting people. I get tired easily that I more prefer sleeping and binge watching, I once dream to spend a year without going outside( which kinda came true because of the pandemic) . I love delicious foods to the point I'll marry someone who can let me experience eating delicious foods everyday. So far, I still can't find my purpose in life, I don't have any lead or direction of where I am going. I just keep on living and doing the same thing everyday. Maybe you must think of me as a bad , abnormal or weird person. But I don't think I am, I'm just different but still normal.