Most of the "Desi Parents" really focus on what their children do not like to do or not passionate about. So, today the reason I am talking about this thing is that I am really fed up with what is currently happening in my life. I only write here when I cannot hold the pain inside me anymore. At the beginning of the writing, I mentioned "desi parents" because today I will be talking about my mom and dad. The discussion/criticism will be most likely aiming at my mom. Yesterday, I argued with my mom regarding my university application. To the world, the reasons might potentially seem petty; however, it was not in my household. Before choosing my programs and university, my mom and I discussed and researched a lot. Yea, it is definitely true that she has put a lot of effort behind it and I am not denying it. My mom wants me to get into U of T. That is apparently her dream. Adding to that, I also want to get in there. In fact, who does not wanna get into the country's best university or the world's one of the best universities? Essentially, what happened is that my mom told me to rank U of T in my first three priorities in my OUAC application. Initially, I also put the choices in that order too. I had a couple of meetings and seminars with my teachers and some universities after that. I also watched some youtube videos and contacted a few universities through their social media. Then I changed the order of choice. I did put U of T( St. George campus) as my 1st priority. But I changed the other orders as I came to know that the ranking choice also matters in the application. If the university feels that you are not interested in them that much, they deserve the right to reject your application. And changing the order without informing my mom was the DREADFUL decision I have ever made in my life. When she comes to know that I made the changes, she keeps screaming at me, using vulgar words in my first language. The moment was awful. According to her, what I did was a form of being disrespectful towards her. But I could not explain to her why I actually did this and what my logics and thoughts were behind this. Whatever...... Pivoting at this issue, she is going to pick at me for a couple of weeks...... I would not have written today this much if a storm hadn't happened in my house a while ago. My brother's tabla(a Bengali musical instrument) teacher called today to teach him online. But his performance wasn't good today compared to his previous classes. And the teacher was sort of upset with him. After his class, my mom called my brother and raised her hand at him. [:)] She was screaming at both my brother and me. A few days ago, my brother bought a guitar, and therefore, whenever he gets time, he tries learning guitar. My mom was taunting him saying, " You bought a guitar and do not even bother to practice tabla now." She was also angry at me and said that I always use "Studying" as my excuse and do not practice singing. The problem is she never asks for what we want. Yes, I do avoid singing because I don't like it. I despise it. And so does my brother. There is no importance to our demands in this household. Our happiness is that we are given everything that we want except mental support. The reason is there is zero importance of mental health to my mom. She does not even bother to know what we are going through. The funny part is that when my mom sees other parents caring about the mental health of their children, supporting them, listening to their demands, she says they are PAMPERING their children a lot. And one day, those children will go out of their control. This seems RIDICULOUS to me. She has no knowledge of how precious mental health is and instead, she criticizes others who are aware of the significance of mental health. I have to say she is legit ILLITERATE in this aspect. Sometimes, her mean attitudes make me so disappointed that I lose all interest in my life, which in result rises suicidal thoughts in me. Lol, I DO NOT wanna take my life for these petty issues created by my mom. Possibly, my life has no importance to her, but it has tons of importance for me. I have a lot of plans, goals, and a huge bucket list to complete in my small life. I hope God will give me that chance to fulfill all my desires. I just talked about my mom and demonstrated only her negative sides.. Actually, I am not in the mood to praise her given the current situation.[:)] A question might arise what about my dad then? What's his role in this. I would say, my dad never denies or argues with my mom. So, he has no say in all these issues. I don't really know if he knows all these incidents though. Even if he knows, I think he is quiet because he knows, my mom can create massive problems out of these serious issues. Anyway, I don't wanna talk about my dad. He is a real gem in my life. I love him a lot. [<3] He's my inspiration, he's my idol, he's my everything.