i feel disgusted.
we all got emotions that we want to keep inside. as a result, we release it in other ways. smoking, alcohol, drugs, party, name it.
i discovered mine when i met a friend online, through a video game. he's on the other side of the world. he was good looking and funny. then like any other guys, he was generally aroused all the time. i knew that was the only reason he kept contact with me. he wants it.
afraid of losing him, i said yes. And yup, we did it online. just two people masturbating to each other, through the screen. it was fun while it lasted.
we got closer, were always talking if were not doing it. calls and video calls. snaps. sending memes. playing together.
yup, until one day he decided he's bored of me. after us doing it, he'll leave, giving excuses like he needs to go here and there. yup, in the middle of a pandemic. i didnt notice it at first. until it happens again and again.
so i shook my head so my brain would function just right. i gave him the same enthusiasm he gives me. i tell him im not in the mood when he wants it. until we just talk every 2 days. just hi's and hello's. until we talk every 5 days. until not at all.
i still miss him. he was a good companion, aside from being good in cyber sex. but im way happier now. feel like i removed something in my lungs.