I don't know if I'm depressed. I think I am. I don't want to self diagnose. But it's different lately. I think it started in senior high. I dun know. I'm at this point in my life where I'm searching google asking for help as to why I use sleep as my coping mechanism, why I can't concentrate, why I feel like shit. Ugh. It's horrible. And I want to ask for help but I can't. I don't want to bother my parents, I don't want to bother my friends. I confided in one of my closest best friends that I do self harm but for me it's not that lethal, I just dig my nails in my wrist until I leave crescent moon marks. And ugh, I'm so sorry but I saw this site and well. I just want to let my feelings out because I can't say all of these things to anyone. I don't want to bother them. And honestly, I don't know why I feel like this. I have a loving family, I have great friends, and I'm in the university of my dreams but I just feel I dun know empty. Even songs don't help anymore and I can't even write my feelings out. I stopped writing and it's horrible. Why do I feel like why am I like this. I just wake up saying "I hate myself" and I want to die or disappear and ugh, it frustrates me so much. I can't. I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry I have to vent it out here. I'm just so lost and seeing how this is anonymous and how anyone can write anything yeah. I'm really sorry. I hope the hoomans writing here and reading this are okayie. Thank you.
Re: Cycle agree totally
I have same issue as yours. Like i have loving family, loving siblings and friends. But as you said i just hate my self always. I have bright future ahead but do not know i do not appericiate myself for anything good i do. I am used to help other people but at the end i think i am not good enough. I am so dumb person. I am just fade up with my self. I want mental peace. I lost my mental peace somewhere do not know where. I do know what i want, what i want to do, just doing my daily task thats it. No happiness nothing just a robot. Sometimes overthinking just killing my health because i have high bp at minor age and also high chance of heart attack because of some reason. But do not know why i am not happy that i have everything. I am not aware of my self.