So I looked up online-signs of bipolar disorder and it turned out I might have cyclothemia but I kn better than to believe whatever is written on the net. So I wanted a 1st hand opinion on this if someone could help me please.
Whenever I am around my family or friends I am the joker like seriously I make most of the jokes always laughing around. And I feel good when I see someone smile becoz of me. Ppl r so used to my fooling around that literally the mood changes becoz of me coz thats what I intend to do everytime. And my smile that time is not fake (atleast that's what I think) . I wanna make ppl who love me happy even if it is for a minute becoz I am a disappointment overall. My grades r falling and I am letting everyone down.
But when I am alone, I cannot find the energy or even little strength to smile. Its like a switch, in somebody's presence I am a very optimistic person and have the ' everything's gonna be fine' mentality. But I do self harm. Every single day. Nobody who knows me can imagine me cutting myself becoz thats the kind of person I am fr them.
Is it bipolar ? I am very confused. I kn I have anxiety (hence the self harm ) but idk if I hv cyclothemia coz it says I m supposed to have episodes of high and low and they last pretty long. But mine is sort of like a switch even when everything is falling apart, I always console others even when I m barely able to keep it together myself becoz I dont want anybody to go through what I do.
The only reason I m holding on is fr my family and friends.