Unwanted. Burden to those around. Why do these phenomenons hit me now? Why now. After all the healing... all the torment. Why must I be tormented once more, to crave desire to rip my life away like I am nothing.
Then sparks the questions in my head, the voices that no one believes exist. The voices that tell me what to do.
Who would actually care. There's my parents? Yeah, I've been blessed with a lovely household - I should be more grateful, but it doesn't null the desire of pain. My friends? No, god no. I would be but a bump in the road, an inconvenience. They'd hate me more than they do now and I'm willing to accept this.
I've experienced what I wanted to experience. I've had love torn away. I've almost reached enlightenment. I've tried getting better, I gave it my all but it didn't work. It's just a big circle. I put on a front, not abnormally at all. I crave attention, validation. It's a drug. I'm addicted to being fucking loved. Why? Because I don't experience it. Not enough for most people but no one realises that. I'm no one's favourite person and that's not me being cynical, it's being factual.
The government has nothing to offer me, they've fucked us up way too many times for them to care. My future? Null. So what is there to care for, what is there to live for. Nothing. I have a sadistic lust for my demise. I'm a megalomaniac. A failed megalomaniac and that is toxic. I'm sorry to everyone. I've failed all of you.