You're right.I often blurted a lot of stuff in my diary ..But often so my diary become a place for me to dump my problems and then i got very obsessed to it. Because heck my mind is a mess because i kept piling uo these negativity into one place like ritual it is.
I get that this isn't healthy.Hah but i couldn't stop. The thing is doing this for years. It's true when you have problem or imagined ones, you can't really just let it go because you've knows that for your life.
Don't know what i really wanted.Gaining sympahthy i guess you could say that.
When i ran away from it, i hurt someone who supoosedly to be close and actually care about me.
But instead of showing the love i supposedly give.I'm not sure, i shun away.
It's not that i hurt them physichallu. But i ghosted her.That's abusive and i'm not proud of it.
Shutting a lot of good people.
I kept thinking about the villain they were like the ones who did this.
You could say in psychology, it's called victimizing yourself. Victim mentality..
A lot of people will hate this.Oh my even i hate this myself.
You know self pity is actually okay 'once in a while' .But sometimes in life, i or you or someone have to move on.
You'll get stuck and probably ruin everything much worse.You think at that time or maybe i was that time will do good.
You wamted revemge.You wnated other peopel admitted that they were wrong.But that day never will gonna happen.
The preparator in the past went away with it.Probably foget about it amd changed for the better.
And then you felt like shit to yourself. Wow i still was holding to that past.
It hurts like hell.
I don't think i'm alone. All these people in the world has been using masks since that day when people hurt them.
People hurt others because there other people who got hurt.
And probably the only thing to fix that is that to realize we're making mistakes and that's okay.
Forgive oneself and try new stuff.
Admit that eveb thought it hurts
But titwill open a new path for you rather than stucking in the same place.Maybe at this time, you still want to dig out more and be in that place.
But that will only leave a hole.
So rise yourself and bury that feeling. And move on and seach a nrw place where you can build a new horizons and a new perspective.
And you'll see how beatiful the sky was and those lands.
Candance in Phineas and Ferb is literally the manifestifation of that feeling.
You have to.Both you and me