over the past few months ive been feeling so depressed. ive wanted to end it so many times but im just so scared to leave my mom. thats the only thing that keeps me from doing it. my life has been nothing but disappointments. ive never had my dad in my life. at all. no matter how many times i would beg him as a kid me & my sister just wasnt good enough for him. so that cause abandonment issue. so years later i meet the love of my life. & i loved them w my whole entire heart we was together for 2 years. this year would of been 3. & we been through some shitty situations. but we moved past it. but now ive made a mistake. & now they dont kno if they wanna be w me. i beg God eveyday to not let them leave me. & im just lost. i have mo friends. my mom has a life. ive always been the type to not talk to anyone . so no one around me knos what i feel. idk why im even doing this right now. but if u come across this. & u read it. please pray for me. i dont know how much more of my life i can take....
I prayed for you. We all make mistakes. Sometimes people don’t forgive us. Please realize they have that choice. So do you. It hurts when we sincerely apologize & try our best to change but they won’t accept it. It may still work out. But if they don’t you have to cry & mourn what you lost. But then you have to move on. Every mistake we survive is s learning process. I’ll give you an example.
At 12 I was on a mountainside hunting cows. I looked down a steep side. I could go back up & around or go down. It was getting late so I took a chance. Well all was good till something spooked the horse. She panicked; I jumped off. Down I went. I’m pretty good so I didn’t get hurt too bad. But I learned a lesson. The horse ain’t as brave as me. So after that I never went down something that steep again on a horse. I survived a stupid situation I created. Other times in life it was other people or just life that created the situation. But my goal is to survive. I may die tomorrow, but I’m here today.
My wife let her problems cause our divorce. It hurt our kids. It hurt her. It hurt me. My kids fell apart. She asked me back. I went & set it all back to order; then she sent me away again. She’s in pain & somehow pushing me away is the answer. Part of that was her mom promising to help her if she gets sick. To take our kids if we both die (I’m sick too). But only if she divorced me. Her mom traded men thru life. One of the many sisters did the same. Her mom thought she’d do like her & remarry soon. My ex only ever wanted me. Instead she just got weaker & sicker due to more stress & depression.
When I left the second time two of my kids fell apart worse. One had to move to the grandparents. The other had seizures; nearly died, & is trying to learn to walk again. I contributed to causing all of that in the first place. So did she. But it was her best friends husband leaving her; all her divorced friends, & her mom that caused that. So one day she calls bawling; wanting me back. I can’t risk my kids getting worse. I visit & have helped stabilize them. My one son may die this time. She’s my soul mate. My only one. I’ll never let another woman touch me. But I told her no. She begged for an hour. I said no. I listened. She was putting rules & stipulations. So I said no. When she’s ready I’ll know. Love is unconditional.
Don’t think I’m a heel. She’s very sick. I took all my $ left to pay for her medical treatment.
So try to save it. If you can’t,accept it & grieve for a while. Then get up & move on. Your not old like me. I’m almost 60.
Suicide is permanent. An end you can’t come back from. Most of us die before 70. Your probably one third the way there already. Don’t cheat yourself. My disease almost killed me at 23. Gave me one yr to live. I’m almost 60. A lot of stuff has happened since then. Including most of the greatest happiest moments of my life. I set & think of them often. My kids birth. Holding their hands hunting for games. Meeting a movie star. Meeting some famous singers. Going to sporting events & concerts. On & on.
Quitting that way is a one time thing. On the way out those chemicals causing you to be depressed won’t be in charge. Other chemicals will hit you. You will realize wanting to die is stupid. You’ll fight with all you live. But you may not. Many die trying suicide. As a small boy I found myself in that situation. Giving up seemed the only answer. After barely surviving I realized that was stupid. I honestly still have the thoughts almost everyday, but I fight it & find ways to stay here. You’d think you could just shut it off. I did mine for many yrs till PTSD brought it back. But it won’t win.
I see a therapist & take meds to take the edge off. Don’t worry; I had a life of hell, you almost certainly will never deal with PTSD this bad unless you have a photo memory & end up in combat or something. Your almost certainly going to outgrow this as you age. Your brain slows down the production of these chemicals.
One of my nieces started having bad depression type stuff at 13. Whew. Headaches. Serious stuff. I wondered if she’d survive. She’s outgrown it. She’s a serious but happy mom with kids now. That will probably be your future. You’ll harden a little internally so your emotions don’t control you. Maybe you’ll see a therapist & take meds. But if you just hold on & ignore those chemical causes thoughts you’ll almost certainly be much happier in the future. Be patient. God Bless
Hello. I seriously don't know what your going through. but There was a time where i was also heavily disappointed in my life. And my friend has also recently gone through this phase.
Times can be difficult but u just have to hold on to ur best memories. Depression is your enemy and judgeing yourself from your worst enemy is not a very wise decision.
U might be thinking about hurting your self and the suffocation feeling u might be getting would make u wonder if death is the best choice but this is not the solution . I promise you once u pass this phase of dissatisfaction you will love yourself more than u did ever before .