Hi. This have been bothering me for a while but I think that I might have depression.
I live in an Asian household so my family does not know much about it. Well, I think I have been feeling like this for about 2 years now but I just never thought of it as depression cuz people would just mock me for faking it for attention. So I guess I’ve been bottling everything up. I’ve tried confiding to my brother, but he mock me of it, including my anxiety, I even tried telling my friends but it seems that they thought it was just a one time thing. The thing is, it’s getting worse because of my family. I feel like I’m the most hated out of the siblings cuz I’m the oldest and not only that but every mistake I made, my brother would always talk behind my back to my parents. Not only that, I feel like everything I do is wrong to them and they don’t know how much their words hurt me. I tried smiling and just ignore their words but when they’re gone I can’t help but cry myself to sleep. I feel like a disappointment and a failure to everyone, they expect better from me and I know that I’m not the perfect daughter that my parents wanted. Recently, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts, planning how imma leave them, and how I would say goodbye to my friends before I do. But I don’t have the courage to do it yet. The feeling is getting stronger and I just hope I would be helped by then. I don’t rlly want to die but at the same time i think it would be better if I just left. If anyone is reading this, thank you for doing so. I know it’s long I’m sorry about that, I just kept it all to myself too much, and I figure this would be a good place to finally vent it all out.