There are times that I feel I’m not needed or wanted. And when I feel especially down, I unconsciously put myself back into the depressive state I always try so hard not to go back to. I’ve actually been been depressed for about 3 years and had been diagnosed with depression 2 years ago. I knew that I had depression before I was even diagnosed with it, but I never spoke about my own struggles openly with anyone before because I was afraid that I would look like I was seeking attention and I never thought I was worth anyone hearing me out anyway, so it had surprised me when the doctor came with the notes. My parents seem to avoid speaking about the topic seriously and laugh it off as a joke, saying that the doctor may have misdiagnosed me. Even my younger brother, despite seriously knowing that I have depression, jokes about it lightheartedly. Now, I love my family with my whole heart, but when they take my depression as a joke, it makes me feel as though I’m not valid. All I can do is laugh along with them and do the same to myself. I’ve been getting through school okay currently and though I’m in a better place than before and I try to stay positive, there are still times where I feel that I’m not worth anyone’s time and that I just wish to erase my existence without anyone caring at all. I’ve never actually thought about ending my life because I’m afraid of the pain, but there are multiple times I thought about wanting to disappear and have everyone forget about me.