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depression I can’t escape from

I'm horribly depressed and I don’t feel like telling anyone cause nothing helps the people I’ve told tried to make me better but nothing worked I feel it’s a task for me to even try. I’m so tiered and I don’t want to share it to my loved ones or partner just cause there is no point they’ll try to make me better for which won’t work and they’ll feel scared that I’ll do something stupid. I have family members and friends who passed away from depression and suicide so everyone is scared when I feel sad. I’m so done I don’t want to share this to anyone except strangers and I don’t want to sleep at night cause when I wake up I feel 10 times more depressed and angry for no reason. You know that feeling when someone you love passed away and you have all that grief and awful feeling I feel like that all the time for no reason that hopeless sadness that you can’t escape from other than sleeping but this time I can’t even escape with sleep and my depression follows me me in my dreams too.