Depressive and suicidal thoughts.

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I've struggled with these thoughts for years. It's torn me down, I hate myself, I hate everything about myself. I'm too fat, I'm too ugly, I'm worthless.

I want to die, I want to end it right now but I can't bring myself to do it.

I feel like I can't talk to anybody because...why am I depressed?

I have a good life, good family, good friends, a good relationship.

Future plans. A life I want to live.

But I have such horrible thoughts all day. I consider taking my life at any given moment, the bus that drives by I could just jump in front of it...the craft knife would be ideal to bleed myself out....I already struggled with an addiction, why don't I just let it finish me off?

I can never bring myself to do it. My body doesn't want to go, but my mind is trying to force me too.

Self harm is torture. I find myself doing it in ways where it may not kill me but it's leaving me in pain for hours and even days.

I know it's wrong. But I can't stop.

I don't understand why.

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