I feel lonely, sad and empty as if there was a large hole in my chest. It hurts, however I cannot stop the pain. My parents are constantly thinking of giving me up ever since I was a child. Constantly comparing me with others, even my own family members. Constantly bringing me down, treating me as if I never were a part of the family. In my family, I am to blame for the cause of all conflicts between my parents. My parents sometimes even believe that I am not their actual child and they often use this as a joke in front of other family members. Life has been rough recently and I feel as though I am unable to share my thoughts anywhere with anyone as I feel guilt whenever I rant about life. My life is fine, I have a 'normal' body, and my parents are still together, however this does not stop them from constantly arguing and getting into conflicts. They often threaten each other with the topic of divorcing, and watching all this ever since I was a young child, really makes me sad. I feel as if life has no real meaning and I often wonder what would happen if I suddenly left this family, this world, and what all the close people around me would do. My father has high-blood-pressure. He is also hot tempered and unreasonable most of the times. He believes that his children should be well mannered, smart, and successful at everything. However, when it turns out that being that successful at everything is harder than it seems, my father would often use alcohol to minimise his disappointment. However, even in his drunken state, he still lectures me about everything and questions why am I such a failure. Sometimes my father even decides to kick me out of the house even at a young age as he believes that since the house is his property, he should make all the decisions. My mother on the other hand, tries to listen and consider my feelings occasionally however, her own feeling's importance almost always overpowers mine. My mother likes to modify past conflicts so that the story sounds more pitiful for her than it actually is. My mother overreacts a lot and this is especially not helpful when making small mistakes such as looking at my phone. I remember from a young age, every time I would get yelled at and get bruises from my parents, they also somehow hurt themselves too. This ends up with them being triggered even more which leads to using more unreasonable conflict. This family often makes me question myself if I have anxiety or depression as my parents believe I am the cause of their own depression, disappointment and sadness. I am staying up too late nowadays due to not being able to fall asleep. I feel tired, depressed, and a failure in this family however I am not sure if I have any other choice. I don't even know if any of this makes any sense because my head hurts way too much for me to process all my thoughts into words. goodbye.