I look up to so many people, and i wish to be like them when I graduate in 3 years... but I wish for it to be sooner, though I just don't want my parents knowing. Ever since I was a little child, I would tell them about things that interested me, and they would berate and mock me for it, I have been taught to hide my interests and hobbies. I became very secretive, but that wasn't the only thing, I was always a very emotional kid, and the whole thing heavily embarrasses me, especially since my parents would always yell "Oh stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about." I know that they're being cruel, but when I tell them, they deny it. I tell them how badly they're treating me, and they threaten to treat me worse, calling me "an ungrateful brat", and sometimes even calling me swears. At 12 I had brief suicidal thoughts but I'm glad I never did end up killing myself. But I still don't know if I'll ever be good enough for my family, for my friends, and for the people I look up to. I want to leave ASAP, I want to be happy, but what if I am a brat? What if I am a wimp? What if I don't deserve happiness?