Do I have depression?

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(Tw for su1c1dal thoughts + attempted su1c1de) thoughts Ok, since im still a kid (I’m 11) everybody disregards this, but please, I need a genuine answer. I will list all of my issues bellow.

° I spend hours sobbing quietly in my room

° If people show the slightest sign of not liking me, I want to sob alone for hours at a time

°I spent months in bed feeling empty

°I always feel emotionally drained

°I can’t handle anything being my fault

°I had a few missing assignments, and I nearly h@nged myself, because I would rather kill myself than have to deal with my mom yelling at me

°I tried to h@ng myself with my bath robe string multiple times, the only reason why I haven’t is because the bars above my bedroom closet are too weak to support me

°I feel like a massive burden and I don’t tell anyone my problems because it would only give them anxiety

°I am terrified of the real world and I’m terrified of not being able to handle the stress of it, to the point where it’s not if I kill myself, but when I kill myself.

°I have no motivation for anything whatsoever

°The second I have motivation, I lose it all because everything starts to feel like a job and when I eventually quit, I feel like a lazy piece of shit that will never ever work a day in her life, and eventually go into massive debts and live on the fucking street selling my body

°Everybody thinks I’m a lazy bitch, especially because I’m in the gifted program and I barely do my work

°I’m afraid I will never be able to peruse my dreams and live sad and alone

°I’m devastatingly ugly so I gave up altogether on trying to find somebody to love me, even like me as a person

°I’m afraid that due to my grades, I will never be able to succeed later in life

°I stay in bed for extended periods of time without showering or brushing my teeth or exercising, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I nearly throw up

°I haven’t felt truly happy in so long, and when I do, I know it won’t last because apparently god wants to see me suffer (fuck you I wish Judas’s plan worked) (( I didn’t mean that))

°I sacrifice so much for the hope of being happy in the future, and that theoretical future day has never came for 11 years.

Do you think I should reach out for help? Please tell me I’m always so sad every day I don’t even enjoy living anymore. Moral of the story, pay attention to what your kids are feeling.

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