Death has always been on my mind. Every single time I've tried doing it, someone comes in the middle and i have to stop. Because i don't want to be saved. Life fucking sucks everyone can agree on that. Some people try to understand what your going through but they just fucking don't. I don't want your pity or remorse, you were never there when i needed you. And suddenly you show up and want me to hug you and say I love you cause i don't fucking think so. I hate my life, I hate me and i just want to fucking die and leave the people who tell me to die all the time. But that's just isn't going to work. They will just do it to another person and then another and another till they believe that they fucking own you. I wish i had someone who loved me for me. I had two people who did but then i moved away and lost touch with them. I wish i had never been born but that is a stretch and i know it. I was told by my mother that she wished she had never given birth to me because she was young and she had the option to do an abortion but she didn't. I told her i wish that she did. She cried and told me how ungrateful i was. And i told her that she never calls me by my name, never tells me that she loves me even though i know she does. She stopped telling me she loved me when I was 10 and im now 16 its been 7 fucking years since i heard an i love you from her. When i told her she told me she loved me and i just cried right there. When she went to hug me i pushed her away and told her that she can't tell me that when i don't believe that she actually loves me. My dad called me mad and told me he would get me admitted to a hospital. My mom agreed and it was just the previous day that we hugged and a girls day just me and her. Now she won't even look at me. Was her love just for a day? I guess we shall see where life takes me.