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do you ever fell in love?

i am already 18 yrs old and i am old enough to describe my feelings. i never have a relationship to someone and they always ask me why, i am only 18 and for me i am old enough to seek someone i wanted to be with for a life time, but i just really cant. whenever i tried to meet someone or to know everything about them something holds me back, i want to fall in love but i really cant do it. even theres a person that were perfectly fine even not by looks but on everything i have known about that person. i always think that, no no no it was wrong that person shouldn't fell for you you should stop it. and yeah i ended up stopping to seek someone because i realize also that i should never push myself to do something just because someone might judge you for it and ask a never ending questions. my other friends told me i was asexual because of it and tease me about it and i dont understand what sexual means until i search it up lol, i know i am straight but this is a big question mark for me.. i hate myself for being so careful and being so scared from people. i just wish that one day i woke up with no voice at all or i wish that i never wake up.. i think falling in love will never happened to me even someone told me that i wasnt ready yet or the right person is not yet there for you so wait.. no i dont think so.. i fell in love with everybody who is kind to me even tho i realize that no one stays on my side. since i was a child i was the outcast of them all, they'll just noticed me because my name was on the list or they noticed me because i drew a lot on school but do you ever get the point that you are just there because you are there.. this is quite hard to understand i know but i am dying to think that do someone was invisible just like me?... i exist i know how to make friends but i was never there.. do i make myself clear anyways even by typing it here.. i guess not.. but i already accept that fact because i never want to be noticed at all too.. so whenever someone met me i know i am a person that will never leave anything even a memory of it will be gone once i am lost in their sights. i want to try to fall in love but i accept the fact that i will never be able to felt that way..... my mind isnt a roller coaster at all but a dark empty sink hole..even my family was really annoyed to me because i try so hard to be a a joyful person when its really awkward whenever i talk.. today i realize that i just be who i am and ignore everything.

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Re: do you ever fell in love?

You can't force emotions to happen. It's possible that you just haven't met the right person but It's also possible that you're aromantic.

Aromantic: Someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is about wanting a committed romantic relationship with someone

If you are, there are a lot of people like you. Don't be scared, you're just a little bit different. And if you aren't able to put any labels on your feelings then just remember.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Are you scared or frustrated? Do you feel awkward and unlovable? That's called being human. You're still young so if there are things about yourself you want to change then just take your time. You don't need to be perfect to be worthy of love and affection.

Short answer, yes you do.

Long answer, you have to get to know yourself before you do.

The whole "right person wrong time" sentiment is very true. If you don't know who you are, how you want to be loved, what you want love to look like, or even what it means to you, you're going to have a hard time. I know that's hella spooky to read. Also I confess that I didn't believe it at first, but when you do find someone and you're lost you can really hurt yourself.

Please take the time to get to know yourself and what you want. I truly believe you will find love some day, you just have to know what love looks like.