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Does it ever get easier?

I’m 19, 12 years ago my brother stole my virginity.

My brother sexually abused me nearly every night until I turned 13. I don’t know why he started, or why he stopped, but he did.

This caused me to be a shell of a human, he stole not only my virginity but also my childhood, because I would have to come home everyday and see him, even after he stopped I still had to live with him.

I never came forward and told anyone while it was happening because my brother is 5 and 1/2 years older than me, significantly taller and stronger than I am. He scared me.

When I was 15, he did a lot of drugs. One night he did a fair amount of cocaine and came into my bedroom with a knife, not realising he had a knife I pleaded with him to leave my room. He did, once he was downstairs I told my mum. When she confronted him, he admitted he was going to kill me, my mum and our dog.

My brother is now locked up in prison for five years.

After councilling and a psychological assessment, I was told I have ; PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociative disorder, hyperarousal and hypervigilance.

I just want someone to let me know if it ever gets any easier, because in 12 years it hasn’t.