Why was I so happy for Seth? When he told me he might like Henry I was jumpy, restless, utterly giddy for him. Great, I could hardly eat.I cackled when I heard Henry asked him out. I was just so darn happy for those two.I hang around in their voice calls (on discord), before and after they officially got together. I listen to them flirt with each other endlessly. I joke that it's horrible to sit through, but it really isn't. I enjoy it. I'm happy for them, but it also feels nice to hear such nice words.I realized this is pretty much the same thing as when I read fan fiction in middle school. I love to hear people so happy together.I've never been in a relationship. I want to be. I want to hear someone say such nice and romantic things to me, but I can't force anybody to do so. So I listen to other people, I guess. If I can't have it, at least someone else can.I'm sad, but someday. I hope someday. It'd be nice to know I'm lovable.I know, I know, a relationship isn't everything. I'm liked by a lot of people. The lunch ladies know me by my sandwich order, the hall monitors say hi to me by name every day. The people at chick-fil-a memorize when I come.But goddamnit, I've heard so much about romance. I've read up on it, I know some of the biological mechanisms, I've seen it, hell I've had crushes on other people, but for 18 years, no one has ever expressed interest in me. Why do I have to sit and watch everyone else's lives play out?My consolation prize is the jealousy receding for happiness when I actually hear them.