I had dated a guy who I didn't love(we had physical relationship) n I broke up with him when I really fell in love with a guy. It happened on the same day bcz when I realised that I'm in love I just wanted to end that meaningless relation. Mrng I broke up with him and afternoon I went a said yes to my guy(still he is my bf). The guy I broke up with started having few really seriously bad and dangerous habits. When our mutual friends asked us for the reason I lied to them and also I hid from them the fact the I'm in a New relation. All friends blamed me for that guy's health he fell sick and all. They completely isolated me. I used to not sleep, always crying in the bathroom, always my mood was off even my family noticed this. I couldn't stop crying, I used always feel guilty, even I used to blame myself for destroying a guy's life, those frnds never talked to me again. Among them there 2 of them were my best frnds, they were boys, I had heard a lot of things from my family, relatives for being them, my neighbors even made up stories saying that I got married to one them even in my clg these news got spreaded. I had heard a lot things and I just ignored it, just for OUR FRIENDSHIP, I know its my fault, but I feel guilty, but they just felt me alone, they forgot about all good memories we had, my one mistake changed everything. I still feel guilty for ruining a guy's life, because of me he started those stuffs....... Don't I have even I good quality so that they could see that n come back to me.... I can't just get overthis.. Friendship meant a lot to me, late night calls, outings, photos.... I couldn't even think our friendship circle without one person, now they all are happy, the guy I dated is still into things........ I don't know what I should do?
I don't know why am I like this....... Am I such a bad person????? Can't they forgive me? It still hurts deeply when I see them all together.......... Can't I be forgiven?