2 months ago
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Don't wanna exist anymore...

I was fine and an enjoyable person till the end of my 10th Class. In the mid times of my 11th class , due to no concentration in studies , I just started feeling anxious , hopeless , irritated . And my whole year(2019) went like that . I became an below average scorer in 12th class. My parents began to compare me with other intelligent students around me. They started shouting on me , they became very angry towards me. Everyday they talked against me. They said that I will not have a good future and will likely be working like slaves in other's house. I started feeling like I am worthless , hopeless , helpless. I began thinking of ending my life . I searched a lot on google and other platforms if there was an easy way to commit suicide peacefully , but I found nothing. I talked about my feelings with my parents but they were not serious about this . I gave some online tests that gave me information about how much suicidal I am , and I got to find that I am 100% suicidal and should seek immediate help , but I cannot . Now I feel like as if my whole life is just being played on a screen and I am a audience who does not exists in that life. I am not sure if I like to end my life but I just want to do not exist anymore. My parents don't even know what's going inside me . I just act happy in front of them and cry whole night . I just wanted to share my feelings. I wish , may there be an option to die just for one day and feel that thing.....

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2 months ago

Re: Don't wanna exist anymore...

i really feel the same. but i just cant do that to my parents, well parent, IDGAF about my father. he left my mother, brother and i when i was just a newborn. and had a nanny that used to beat me up really hard when i was just a little boy. then my father refused to pay for my English lessons. my mom forced me to talk to them cause we had no choice. after accepting to pay the school again, he went to USA, where he stayed for 6 months, as he said he wanted to get a job. all he did was that he visited half of the USA. and when i told him i also wanted to go to america for a week or two if its possible, and he said ok! ill take you there this summer. i even planned how I would pack my luggage! and guess what? he didnt complete his promise! and im livingin this lies whole my life(trust me if i say lies, there are a lot of them...) so everything is gonna be ok. trust me its all gonna settle down.

Hey even im in class 11 right now and and I'm finding it really difficult to handle all things(studies) .

I cannot concentrate and addicted to dramas and I hate myself for that . I wish all these things did not exist. I don't want to die coz I know life is more than all theses things . I too wish that I lived a different life .

I don't want you to leave this world without experiencing life. I hope everything will be alright and that time when your life is as bright as sun will definitely come . Very soon . So just hang in there buddy