I'm in a bad place. I am utterly alone. I am raising 2 teenagers alone. One of which is abusive. I don't want to try dating because of the rejection I will receive for being fat and having health issues. Plus no one would put up with my child and the destruction they cause. I dont like my child. Sometimes I hate them. They are ugly on the inside, mean, manipulative, self absorbed and a "victim" in every situation. They are verbally abusive and wreck havic with our lives. I hate myself for being messed up. I hate myself for wasting so much of my life attaching my self to one abusive person after the other. I hate myself for being so unhealthy. I hate myself because I care whether my family loves me. I hate myself because I need someone to love me. I hate myself because I cant tell people to f off if they aren't nice to me. I know I wont get what I need or want. I just want the pain to stop.