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Don’t wish to live..

I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live anymore. And I can’t suicide do to my family and friends, I feel as if I would fail them if I do so. My mother died because of COVID-19, yet I blamed my dad for many things I was told from my mom but now all those lies made me treat him differently before, she said he had a lady in our birth place but yet she was with multiple people, my dads brother, cousins, work partners, and random people on hotels, n yet my dad knew but didn’t say anything for my brother and I, I don’t want to continue living but it will cause him more pain.