Don’t you ever just want to disappear?

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I get it. It’s been a hard year for everyone but, does that mean I should just suck it up?

lately, I’ve been feeling like I just want to disappear. Everyone tells you go out and explore the world but no one tells you how hard life can be once you move far from your friends and family. Who would’ve thought that even a year and half after moving to a new country, I would still be friendless and depressed?

is it cause I’m an too much of an introvert? Is it because of covid? Is it because I’m just not cut out for this shit?

To some, I’m doing great. Got a full time job right out of college. Moved out on my own and to a new country. To most, it’s like I’m living a dream. Though honestly, I don’t like my job, I’m so depressed and anxious I have to be on medication....

it's like I’m in a toxic relationship with myself.

it’s become such that I just want to disappear.

I don’t want to die but, I want to disappear into nothingness, feel nothing, think nothing.