i wish life would have been easier or maybe i had known a way to get through this without constantly questioning myself or even be in so much self doubt. i dont know where this arose from but i have this like deep feeling of being correct and if i am not it just keeps on disturbing me, till i correct it. and it goes on into the relationships i have with anyone around. this even causes my anxiety. although i have a lot of anxieties about everything and somehow they have crept out so much during this lockdown because we all were forced to sit at home and all of my fears and all the negative emotions i carry just came out way too much and its difficult understanding, accepting and dealing with it.and i dont know, the problems that exists, like maybe not even problems but flaws, they are just coming too much up on the surface, and maybe its fault in accepting but ultimately it just doesnt yield any good result. its difficult to be breaking and breathing at the same time. everything is difficult. i have never seen even a near good relationship around me, makes me wonder if they even exist. i dont even know what to expect from my partner, or maybe what is okay, what isnt okay, what is not even being anxious over and its all confusing, difficult to understand because there is so much expected from us to be and to gain and to understand in our 20's and it is just overwhelming. theoretically maybe i know what all it is and maybe how to think so that i stop feeling like im drowning in all these but sometimes, its no purpose of waving your hands thinking it will be all okay and i would get out fine, but it doesnt see, like that right now. feels like the water would just fill my lungs and nothing will be ever okay and as if this is the end, end of everything. maybe i am just going to be consumed by adulting.