I am drowning not phisicly but mentally. I can not stop my thoughts but I can push the away when I paint. Painting is my light at the moment. I feel numb I cry every week in my room where no one sees me. I put on a fake smile every time I walk out my room door. I have tried talking to someone but I can't open up enough to tell them the real side of my feelings I just say I worry or I'm sad but that is just the most simple way I can put it.no one understands enough and cares for me to open up for real and when I do try they don't understand. Someone told me that I am Victimizing my self and I should just move on because that is what every body does. Can someone please just tell me what to do. I don't know if I have depression I am too scared to ask any one because what if it is true what if I am victimizing my self and I know some people have it way worse then me so who would waste their time on my situation.